Choosing a health care proxy is one of the most significant decisions you can make when preparing your advance care directive. This person will have the power to make life-changing decisions for you in times of need. But how do you make sure you’re choosing the right person? Let’s walk through what to consider when making this important choice.
What is a Health Care Proxy, and What Does it Do?
A health care proxy is an actual person, someone you authorize to make medical decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated. Unlike a living will, which offers specific instructions about what treatments you want or don’t want, a health care proxy is there to make real-time decisions when the unexpected happens. Your health care proxy is your voice when you can’t speak.
Qualities to Look For in a Proxy
When choosing a health care proxy, keep in mind that this role is more than just a title—it comes with emotional, ethical, and practical responsibilities. You want to select someone who:
- Understands Your Values: Make sure this person knows your views on life-sustaining treatments, quality of life, and comfort. They should respect your beliefs and be willing to follow through with your decisions, even if they differ from their own.
- Can Stay Calm Under Pressure: Health crises are often emotionally charged, and your proxy may face challenging moments. They’ll need to stay calm and focused to advocate for your care, especially if others disagree with your preferences.
- Communicates Clearly: The ability to clearly and effectively communicate with medical staff and other family members is essential. They must ask the right questions and clearly express your wishes to your health care team.
- Is Willing and Available: It’s crucial that your proxy is available in emergencies and is willing to take on the responsibility. You may also want to choose someone who lives nearby to be able to make quick decisions if needed.
Having the Conversation with Your Proxy
Once you’ve chosen the right person, have a candid conversation with them. Discuss your views on medical interventions, comfort care, and any potential scenarios they might face. Make sure they have access to your advance directive documents and feel comfortable asking you questions now, before a crisis arises.
A backup proxy is also a good idea—someone who can step in if your primary proxy is unavailable or unable to serve. This provides an extra layer of security, knowing that you have plan “A” and plan “B” to make sure your wishes will always be represented.
Choosing Wisely: Tips for Making the Right Decision
Take your time with this decision, and don’t feel pressured to choose a family member just because it seems like the “right” thing to do. Choose the person who you feel is best equipped to handle the responsibility.
- Start with Trust: Pick someone whose judgment you trust, who has a good understanding of your values, and who can handle the emotional weight of making health care decisions.
- Avoid Vague Directives: Be specific with your proxy about your wishes. Rather than saying, “I don’t want extreme measures,” explain what “extreme measures” means to you.
- Communicate Regularly: Health circumstances and personal beliefs can change over time. Revisit your advance directive and discuss updates with your proxy regularly to make sure everyone stays aligned.
Take Control of Your Future
Choosing a health care proxy is a gift you give not only to yourself but to your family. It removes uncertainty and ensures that your medical decisions are made by someone who knows you and respects your wishes.
Need more guidance on choosing the right proxy? My ebook, “Advance Care Directives: A Guide for Seniors,” covers everything you need to know about crafting a comprehensive advance care plan, from selecting the right person to writing a clear living will. Download the ebook today to take the next step in protecting your future and easing the burden on your loved ones.
